Categories
MS

How feeling good can make me depressed

My doctor and I have been trying to figure out why I’m so tired. With the tiredness comes brain fogs, memory laser, etc. He suggested that perhaps I’m not sleeping well and that’s leading to the fatigue. I’ve done some things to try to sleep better, different position, different medicines, etc. I think I am sleeping better, but I still get really tired.

Another easy reason why I could be tired and not sleeping as well as I could be is that I’m out of shape. There’s no question that I am. It’s a terrible cycle. I have no energy, so I don’t exercise. Since I don’t exercise, I have no energy. Lather, rinse, repeat… I have been getting myself geared up to start going to the gym, knowing that getting in shape will fight back the fatigue. If I added some more muscle mass, got some cardio in, I’d sleep better, I’d have more energy, etc. Yup, that’s the ticket, if I’d just get off my butt and exercise, I’d be better in no time.

THose are good, hopeful thoughts. The promise of better times is a good motivator even if I really hate going to the gym. Well, I woke up on thursday and felt good. Dare I say it, I even felt… normal. I woke up refreshed, with energy, my legs didn’t give me any trouble, my balance was fine, clear head, the whole 9 yards. I didn’t even take breaks at work, I just didn’t think of it. That lasted for two days and it was great. But then I woke up on the third day and I was back to my regular exhaustion.

The thought occurred to me that I hadn’t gotten into any better shape over the last three days. My improvement was simply a whim of the disease. It decided that I was going to feel good on those days, and then it decided that I wasn’t. It’s sobering to think that you have no control over how you feel day to day. It eventually sunk in that even if I were to get into better shape, there’s no guaranty  that I’d actually feel better. If I did feel better, my overall feeling will still be at the whim of the disease. SIGH.

I’m going to start going to the gym soon. I need to try to stave off other health issues, but man, it’s going to be tough to get too excited to go.

Categories
technology

Happy 20th birthday World Wide Web!

Can you believe it? It’s been twenty years since the web rolled out. I was surfing the internet before there was a graphical interface, and I went to BBSs before that. Everything was done by command line and it was exhilarating to be able to find info from all around the world. Gopher servers and WAIS were fascinating to me. Spent a lot of time on USENET, remember that? Didn’t think so…

 

A couple of years after I was out of college, I was over at a friend’s house and saw my first actual web site. It was a search portal called Web Crawler. I later found Lycos. I was hooked all over again. All own this was done over dial up of course, so sites were pretty rudimentary. There are still a few relics live on the web from that time period. Check out the Southeastern Conference on Linguistics page from 1997.

 

Web

It should load pretty fast since there really isn’t much to it. Can you believe how that looks? That was pretty common. Text, some colors, hey it was all new and we lapped it up! We’ve come a long way in 20 years, let’s see what the next 20 bring us!

Categories
economics freedom

Reading again (political/economic stuff first)

After a protracted bout of not reading, I’m back to it. A friend gave me an iTunes card and instead of blowing it on music and TV shows (or show as it usually turns out) I bought some books. I feel very grown up… I got one new to me and an old favorite. I’m enjoying using iBooks on the iPad. I have been using an app called Stanza for most of my reading but I think I like the way iBooks looks better. There will be more purchases in the future. I am also finally getting around to a book I got for Christmas, one of the old fashioned kind.

So what am I reading? The recent ridiculousness in DC has me fuming and I have turned to a couple of books talking about politics, government and the decisions that come out of the process. First up is the old fashioned one, Hayek’s The Fatal Conceit. It is one of those books that I have always felt that I should read, but it is intimidating. Hayek wasn’t exactly the most scintillating of writers, but he was a very serious thinker. I’m only a few chapters into it, but he hasn’t disappointed so far. There are some really big ideas in there. A very short summary is that the book attempts to answer the question I’ve always had. Namely, why is socialism so attractive to so many people despite the obvious awful results that it brings about? So far, he has said that it comes down to the tension between small group dynamics, like the family, and large scale interactions that build societies. There is an inbuilt distrust of strangers and of more powerful tribes. That puts the worry about the tribe or the family in direct opposition to the things that lead to rising living standards. Hence, socialist ideas tend to sound attractive whereas allowing things to evolve without anyone’s control scares people. That’s his premise and it’s as good an explanation as I’ve ever heard. I’ll update as I go along.

 

I bought Murray Rothbard’s For a New Liberty because I had always heard that it was “the libertarian Bible” or some such like that. It was another book that I thought I should read. I have only read a couple of his essays, this is my first book by him. Everything I’ve read by him so far leaves me scratching my head about his “libertarian” label, he seems like a straight up anarchist. Anyway, he has some interesting things to say, especially when he puts things in a historical perspective. Libertarianism was the original “liberal.” The liberals back then were railing against the divine right of kings and the manipulations of people’s lives by him and his privileged merchants and guilds. Sometime in the 19th century the liberals joined with the powers that they had been fighting and we got the modern definition of liberal. Modern liberals invest rulers with lots of power and depend on politically connected merchants and guilds (corporations and unions) to help shape society the way they want it to be. Some things never change, and libertarianism is still as radical now as ever.

Rothbard uses some hand waving and conspiracy theories to explain why people have been following socialism in all it’s manifestations. I think Hayek has a much more nuanced and believable theory. To be fair, Rothbard glosses over that in a handful of paragraphs whereas Hayek dedicates an entire book to it. Anyway, I’m a little ways into it, I’ll see if there are any great revelations in it, his supporters would have you believe that it is the most amazing thing ever. We’ll see.

Categories
odds and ends

Charitable efforts

I don’t make a tremendous amount of money, but I’m doing OK. There are plenty of people that aren’t of course, and I’m a big believer that aid in the right way can make a big difference. I’m also of the opinion that decent people give what they can. It’s part of my general optimistic view of people in general. I hope I’m a decent person, so….

 

I’ve been giving to Kiva pretty regularly for over a year now. If there’s one thing that has taught me, it’s how giving a little bit consistantly over time can add up. I just started giving to GiveDirectly. I can’t give much each month, but they aggregate the donations that people send in and then give them to people in a larger chunk. These two charities do what I think charities should do. Kiva allows people to invest in themselves and try to make their life better. It’s for people doing OK, but struggling to take that next step. GiveDirectly is much more about people having real difficulties and mired in poverty. As I’ve written before, GiveDirectly follows my own belief that the poor folks know where that money will have the most impact and so I should allow them to spend it as they see fit. I wish I could do more, but times are tight. Hopefully in the future things will get better.